I don't know what to do. I woke up in the middle of the night realizing all of the shit I need to do today and couldn't sleep because of it. There's seriously so much.
So the plan was to go early to Utrecht to buy supplies, and then the whole day just work on things. I had a whole plan for what I'm going to do and in what order and everything. I decided to check my bank accounts first to make sure I had money to buy the things I need to complete (or even start) my final projects. But my bank account is in the negative 200's, and when I looked at transactions it doesn't make sense because they charged me insufficient funds fees for five or six things that i still had money for when i charged them, but because they charged me insufficient funds fees, now i don't have money. I don't understand at all, it doesn't make sense, I never actually went over, but I can't even call them because it's Sunday.
I'm already stressing out about this shit, and now I can't even do anything about it.
I can't start my painting without canvas
I can't do my two other ink drawings without paper
I can't do my 6-7 drawings without drawing paper
The only thing I can do is my research paper which isn't due till Friday, and everything else is due before that and it's the one thing I don't want to do at all, which is only going to make me more angry and I don't even see how I can concentrate on doing a research paper when I know I have all of this other SHIT TO DO.
I even want to do it and am looking forward to doing all of these other projects, I just can't.
And when I called my mother, she yelled at me about not having a job which makes me feel even shittier because I want a job, in fact I want more than one job, so it's like she's yelling at me about not being good enough to get something that I already want and am trying to get. We had decided together in the beginning of the year that I wouldn't have a job this semester because I didn't know if I would have time for one, but for money reasons, I recently realized I needed one so have been trying to get one, but how can she yell at me now for not having had one at the beginning of the year? I understand that I need money, okay? And in addition to that she wants me to pay her back for all the money she's given me for art supplies so even when I do have a job, I won't even get that money for next semester's supplies.
Right now, I don't even want to be in college. I don't want to fail my classes because I didn't have money to buy the supplies to do the projects. This is bullshit, fuck you bank.