Once Upon A Winter

I don't want to sleep alone tonight. I can't seem to sleep the whole night through. Walls keep moving left to right, up and down, forward and backward in beautiful dark reds that turn into violets and I feel as if it's me, my mind, moving them. Everything is one and nothing is separate. One thing moves because of everything else and it's just so warm. Then I wake up and the wall is solid, white, cold, and static, completely separate from me. There is no one in my bed but myself and nothing in this world is a part of me in the middle of the night except for myself. It is the loneliest feeling I have ever experienced.
My emotions are so so malleable - so malleable. So are they ever even real? Did my feelings for any of these males ever truly exist as me feeling that for that person or were they just me using them for an emotional fix? Are the people only arbitrary then? It's all science and chemistry, I am not even involved.
Live your life and I'll live mine.
Your fate will never involve me.
A garden of misery lives beneath my bones
...and they ache, and they ache.
Our bodies turn into skeletons and collide to become one.

Goals for the week

Today - buy paper for drawing project, outline drawing, possibly more
Tomorrow - work more on drawing, hopefully, or research paper
Wed. - more drawing
Thursday - finish research paper
Friday/weekend - painting, ink drawing, drawing

Hopefully this works, at least I have everything done for my portfolio review today.


2 night Self Portrait, oil paint

I'm reading Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris is the funniest man alive. We (me, my roommate, and a few friends) have David Sedaris storytime a lot in my bedroom.
I'm also in the process of knitting a patchwork blanket. The patchwork part is done, but now I'm knitting a fuzzy lining so it'll be extra warm, and I still need to do the border.
Tomorrow I get my stitches out which is really good because every time I eat or brush my teeth all I can think about is the image of my stitches being ripped out by whatever I'm eating.

Last night I had a dream that there was a big party at home and everyone was there all my friends from home, people that I'm not even friends with, but went to high school with or were friends of my friends, and all my friends here and people I'm not even friends with here, but see around a lot. It was lots of fun, but then I woke up.
Yesterday I dreamt that I was with Kristi and Margot and they told me to put the eggs we were going to eat in the washer and dryer and I kept saying that didn't seem right that you would wash your food with soap the same way you wash your dishes, but they kept reasoning it with logic and I felt stupid for thinking it wouldn't work in the first place. So we washed our eggs in the washer and dryer.

The night before last was a very strange one indeed. I had spent the whole day working on projects, it was 8pm and the heater in our room had put Gemma to sleep already so I decided to watch the graduate by myself and make popcorn. It was really cute, actually. So then Jackie and her boyfriend and all of her friends came in and were like "Oh, is that the Graduate?" and I asked them if they wanted to watch it with me, in an effort to mend our broken relationship. What I didn't realize was that they were all drunk and had no interest in watching the movie, but a lot of interest in talking about it really loudly so that I couldn't hear it, which it was my first time seeing it so that was muchly unappreciated.
In addition to this, they continued taking shots and drinking and such and bickering and telling inside jokes, so I just sat there and listened to everything. Gemma woke up, came out to see what was going on, couldn't take it anymore and went back inside our room. Finally, Matt turned off Simon and Garfunkel and put on his iPod, Flogging Molly, and everyone left...including me. End of night. Will our apartment-mate friendship ever be renewed? Probably not.

Also, Facials